“So good”… “So good”: A simple and fun way to grow goodness and connection in conversations

On social media recently, I saw an interview with a Kate Hudson explaining that she now lives by the “so good” rule: if one person says, “so good,” someone else in the conversation or room must repeat that phrase.

Something about this idea struck me and tickled my funny bone. It felt playful, charming, and a little bit silly.

I told my partner about it on a phone call. He was on a long run (he’s an ultramarathoner) and I was keeping him company while driving home from my own workout.

In telling me something fun he had planned for later that day, he said, “it’s so good.”

I echoed him, with enthusiasm. It really did feel like I was joining in on the chorus of a favorite sing-along pop song (I’m looking at you, “Sweet Caroline”).

I quickly explained the premise to him from the video I had seen: that when anyone says “so good,” it’s the duty of others in the discussion to say it, too. He laughed and agreed we could try it out.

I turned onto a different road and drove less than a block, coming to a stop behind a line of cars at a red light, and my eyes widened when I saw the car in front of me.

On a late model black sedan, right in the middle of the tailgate, was a bumper sticker. It said “so good so good” with a Neil Diamond logo beneath it.

“You’re not going to believe what’s on the car in front of me,” I said excitedly, still on the voice call with my partner. I told him about the bumper sticker.

Beyond the startling coincidence (or synchroncity, if you will), I realised that there are four reasons why I’m choosing to embrace “So good, so good” as a practice in my relationship and my life at large.

1. It provides an opportunity to ‘turn toward’ a bid for connection from a loved one. ↔️As the Gottmans have famously studied and written about extensively, one of the biggest markers of couples who stay together versus those who don’t is the percentage of the time that they respond to each other’s ‘bids’. When my partner underlines the positive valence of something he’s happy or excited about (even if it’s not a huge deal), the phrase “so good” is something I can chime in on as a way of paying attention and reinforcing that I care.
2. It’s kind of funny. Now, this might vary person to person–your mum might not find it amusing, your kids might find it patronising. So always consider your audience before diving in wholesale. But, like in long-term happy relationships of all kinds, quirky little jokes, habits, and word play can serve cohesion and connection.
3. It’s a form of happy backchanneling. 👂🏻My partner has a background in rhetoric and linguistics, and he’s a big fan of backchanneling, which is a term that means the feedback that listeners give to speakers to show they are paying attention and understanding, without taking over the conversation. These can be non-verbal, like nods and eye contact; non-lexical, like “uh-hunh” or “mmmhum”; or verbal, like “yeah,” “I see,” or, newly for me anyway, “SO GOOD.”
4. It underlines goodness. 📈 Rather than focusing mostly on the negative (a tendency I have at times!), this habit can tune our ears toward what someone is saying about something positive, generative, wonderful, or even just nice.

If you give it a try, I’d love to hear what you think! 📧